


One Step Closer

by Aprilup



Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 20:20:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9920777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aprilup/pseuds/Aprilup
Summary: I will be braveI will not let anything take awayWhat's standing in front of meEvery breathEvery hour has come to this-The Training of Erasmus but from Kallias's POV.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to show Kallias's POV of everything that happened in the prologue/Training of Erasmus, with extra gay pining.  
> All characters belong to C.S Pacat and some dialogue from The Training of Erasmus!
> 
> Mood music: A Thousand Years - Christina Perri  
> (Title taken from the song)  
> How perfect is this song for Erasmus/Kallias though? Please consider this ;w; literally had it on repeat a thousand times (HAH) while writing this 
> 
> Come yell with me about Captive Prince on Twitter (@shigaatsu) or Tumblr (@shigaa)

_Happiness like this comes once in a thousand years._

The harsh clanging of bells echoed out across the city. Each ring mingled with the screams in the hallways, haunting the footsteps of the servants and guards as chaos reigned. 

Whispered deals and silent plots cannot be revoked; both his master’s plans and his own, yet Kallias' body ached with a deep sense of loss. He had been fighting a force much more powerful than he had expected and this victory felt more like defeat than anything else. It was strange, to be so full and heavy from the emptiness in his heart. 

Finally reaching his small chamber, he was barely able to close the door, hands trembling as he slid to the ground. When he felt the first trace of tears spill over, running down his paint smudged cheeks, he fell against the floor as if a hundred weights had been suddenly thrust upon him, gasping for breath. 

He exhaled in a quiet, broken wail, voice hitching as he felt a lump rise in the back of his throat. 

 

 _I’m so sorry._

 

He could see it replaying in his head; Aden’s face, scrunched up with confusion, then sudden understanding and pity. 

 

 _I’m so sorry._

 

Eramus’s dazed yet confused smile melting away into fear and horror. 

 

 _I’m so sorry._

 

He felt himself choking, each shuddering breath getting harder and harder to take. 

 

_Please._

 

He was powerless and he knew that only too well, so he prayed that with this, what he loved would be safe, would be protected. 

 

_It matters not what becomes of me, just spare him, please._

 

His sobs were drowned out by the bells in the distance. 

_ 

 

There was a certain frustration that built within the boys as they got older. The anticipation that clung to their shoulders grew heavy at nightfall, only to slip away with clean bed sheets at the first glimmer of dawn. This cycle continued and Nereus would have to pull aside many a boy to whisper words of comfort, but never promises, no, because there was nothing he could keep for them. 

Erasmus was different. 

Eager like the rest, but he was undoubtedly full of honest intentions. His eyes were always warm when he gazed upon Kallias with admiration. There was nothing else behind his adoration unlike many of the other boys whose smiles never reached their eyes. 

Sometimes they would talk about the palace and the princes, and it was those moments that Kallias treasured, when Erasmus would lean close, curls lightly brushing against one cheek and a light, enthusiastic voice laughing into his ear. 

It was a slightly more intimate afternoon spent with Erasmus in the gardens, the summer heat pressing against their skin, triggering something unknown within Kallias. He felt restless as the sweat beaded around their neck and trickled down their backs. There was something dangerous about the way Erasmus’ lips, he couldn’t focus on the words that were said, only the way they moved. 

It was something he had not explored and so he held those feelings close, so close he almost strangled them. 

Almost. 

_ 

 

It was a sacred tradition, one that he had not considered for a while for he had only been thinking about golden eyes; so when it came, the yellow thread around his sheets confused him. He stared blankly as he was ushered out and crowded by the other boys who were murmuring words that didn’t reach his ears. 

There was only one voice he wanted to hear at that moment but it did not come. 

As the bells echoed out Kallias’ fate into the soft morning light, he closed his eyes and let himself slip into his visions of soft curls and even softer hands. He refused to consider what the dream meant. 

The uneasiness settled between his ribs, forcing him to leave with a wave to the rest of the boys and a seemingly proud Nereus, despite his urge to embrace everyone. There was a strange numbness to his actions, like someone else was moving his body. He was merely a spectator, an outsider; he didn’t recognise the boy, now a man, who was bidding everyone farewell. He accepted the flowers and small trinkets with what he hoped was a proper smile, his gaze never once flickering towards Erasmus who had finally appeared. 

Then as quick as it had started, it had ended and Kallias was ushered through the doors to the baths without so much as a backwards glance. 

They showered him in a variety of perfumed water, dried him carefully and tied clean white robes to his shoulder. 

But just before he could step into the litter, there was a shout. 

 

“Kallias!" 

 

He turned and found himself being embraced, his body melting at the touch he had craved for. 

“Erasmus…” He breathed out slowly, lips suddenly dry. 

 

“I will miss you.” Eramus mumbled into his shoulder. 

Kallias felt his heart leap up to his throat. Shakily, he brought his arms up and held his best friend tightly in return. 

 

“The bell will ring for you soon, I know it." 

 

He coughed, hoping his voice sounded more confident than he felt. 

 

“I know it, Erasmus.” 

 

They stood for a while longer but then he finally forced himself to let go and pushed Eramus away, holding him at arms length. 

 

“This isn’t farewell, my friend." 

 

Erasmus nodded, his curls bouncing as he stepped back. 

Kallias's grip tightened ever so slightly before growing slack and slipping away from Erasmus’s forearm. 

 

“I shall see you again soon." 

_ 

 

Kallias was approaching the end of his training and had almost given up hope. 

Boys his age were either accepted into the palace or cast away by now. He hadn’t seen any glimpse of a certain fair-haired boy, not amongst the bed slaves nor the table attendants or bath boys either. 

Worry gnawed at his stomach but there was not much he could do to quell his fears. The thought of having his First Night within the next couple of months made his stomach quiver with odd anticipation. 

His only confidants were the garden flowers and the twinkling stars at night. 

And strangely enough, there was also Aden. 

There was little trust between the slaves in training, a subtle tension between the unadorned robes and those who carried royal insignia. It was never discussed out loud and all the trainers turned their eyes away to the chatter, but nothing was done to quell the rumours. It was a matter of great pride to carry a pin but also such a position was riddled much jealousy. 

Whether it was because both of them carried a pin or not, Kallias was still not sure how much he trusted Aden, but it helped that they were similar but not competitors. 

It would have a much greater honour to serve the King if the King himself was in better health, but it was unspoken that any servant of the King meant less and the Princes meant more these days. Iphegin never looked his way, but Aden did. Maybe it was just pure curiosity and a tinge of jealousy that kept Aden around him, but Kallias couldn’t find it in himself to push him away completely. 

 

“Why do you keep everyone at a distance?" 

 

Kallias sat up, blinking away the sunspots that had gathered before his eyes. 

It was not the first time the other slave had asked him this. 

He squinted at Aden through the glare of the afternoon sun, words dancing on the edge of his tongue but he bit back everything instead. He turned away at Aden’s gaze and focused on the faint shimmering trees that swayed in the summer breeze. 

 

“I would not call it keeping everyone at a distance." 

 

There was a short laugh from Aden. He shook his head in disbelief, or perhaps amusement; Kallias could not tell. 

 

“Then what would you call your actions?" 

 

Kallias shrugged. 

 

“I am on good terms with everyone." 

 

There was no reply from Aden, so Kallias assumed he must have finally given a satisfactory answer. However, a moment later, when he stood to return into the palace corridors, Aden finally spoke up. 

 

“Being friendly with everyone, is that not the same as having no-one?" 

 

Kallias stopped. 

He took a breath, pushing down the memories of golden afternoons and happily whispered conversations that had surfaced. “Perhaps." 

Before Aden could say anything else, he increased his pace and left the other boy in the gardens. He would leave all hopeful thoughts of being reunited in his sleep at night. There was no need to daydream about it anymore, not when his future was approaching. 

_ 

 

The very next week, his dreams came true. 

_ 

 

Kallias would never forget how it felt to see him again. 

He finished his training for the morning and thanked his trainer dutifully, but as he rose, his eyes caught a familiar face and instantly, his legs felt weak in a way that threatened to break his perfect form. 

 

“Erasmus?” He murmured. 

 

The wispy ends of Erasmus's curls were a pale blonde in the sunlight, his chin sharper than before. Draped in white palace cloths, his skin seemed to glow. He was both familiar and different, the contrast as jarring as the three feet and three years that lay between them. Yet, as soon as Erasmus smiled, Kallias felt his chest ache with a deep nostalgia, as if it was only yesterday they had crossed paths in the training hallways. 

The trainer dismissed him. 

He couldn’t move fast enough, his body craving the press of limbs, so real and warm against his skin. It was enough to convince him that this was not one of his fleeting dreams. Faintly he heard Aden gasp from a distance, but he couldn’t think, not when he was cheek to cheek and Erasmus was in his arms. 

 

“You’re here,” He murmured, pulling back. 

 

As he shifted, gold against white glinted, drawing his attention to the unmistakable lion pin. 

 

“And you’re for the Prince,” Kallias breathed. 

 

He suddenly felt the heavy weight of his own pin against the fabric, the plain gold reminding him of their positions. 

Erasmus had not said a word, his face full of quiet wonder, eyes shimmering with something Kallias did not recognise. 

 

“I’m for the other Prince.” Kallias swallowed. “Kastor.” 

_ 

 

Iphegin had fallen down the stairs. 

Aden had said nothing of it. 

Erasmus’s hands trembled. 

 

“He was named for Iphegenia, the most-loyal. But they don’t remember your name if you fall.” Kallias murmured as they walked past the room that was now no longer held Iphegin. 

 

“You won’t fall.” 

 

The steadiness in Erasmus’s voice contrasted the way he stumbled around the stairs, arms limp as Kallias had guided him away. 

_ 

 

That was how the dream turned into a nightmare. 

_ 

 

“It’s the cheapest way to get noticed." 

 

Aden scoffed as he found Kallias together with Erasmus in the gardens again, one hand gently stroking the curls and the other still in his lap. He had drawn his arms back, body taut as his stared them up and down. Aden continued glaring at the tumble of dark gold curls, eyes narrowing as if they had done something to personally offend him. 

Perhaps they had. 

 

“A slave with real form doesn’t draw attention to himself." 

 

Erasmus’s cheeks darkened and he coughed once before looking down at his sandals. 

It only took one glance of displeasure from Kallias and Aden left with a flip of his brown hair, lips pursed like a suitor who had been rebuffed. 

They sat in silence until the tap of sandals had faded into the distance and it was only the two of them in the male gardens. 

Prince Damianos had a love of blondes but he was also famous for his treatment of lovers and slaves alike. There was not a bad word uttered behind his back after a night of pleasure, only wistful sighs and silences. The same could not be said for Kastor, who seemed to compete with his younger brother with his appetite. Kallias was glad that Erasmus was separated from him in this. 

 

“Aden would give his voice and all his grace for fair hair. He wants a Prince’s pin more than anything." 

 

There was a look of confusion, so innocent that Kallias almost didn’t want to speak his mind for once. 

 

“But… He doesn’t need a Prince’s pin. He’s training for the King." 

 

His grip on Erasmus’s hands grew tighter. 

 

“But the King is sick." 

 

Erasmus nodded slowly. 

 

“Prince Damianos, will he…”

 

Kallias shook his head.

 

“I do not know.”

 

They sat in silence again but this time Erasmus was the one who broke it.

 

“They… They said that the Prince Damianos is known for his,” he started off hesitantly, “love of pleasure.”

 

Kallias ignored the sudden prick of unease that made his stomach churn. 

 

“So it is said.” He replied. 

Erasmus’s eyes gazed out across the garden wistfully.

“Do you think he will be kind and gentle as they say?”

 

It was harder to ignore the second wave of nausea and Kallias briefly wondered if the breakfast that morning had disagreed with him.

 

“Perhaps.”

 

There was a hopeful sigh from the boy next to him.

 

“I hope so.”

 

Another jolt, like someone had punched him in the chest and- _oh, so this is what they call jealousy-_  
He forced the proper words to leave his mouth, conscious of every movement, of every blink and shift of the smallest eyelash. 

He willed his voice to stay steady. 

 

“I pray it will be so, Erasmus.”

_ 

 

The training for the First Night became harder. 

His imagination blew out of control, he thought of bigger, wider hips and thighs pressed against his own and a sharp pain would stab his chest. The trainers frowned in confusion at his short breaths and unsteady movements. They were preparing the most talented slave to the First Prince and Kallias had fulfilled all the conditions without any sense of nervousness before yet now his concentration wavered. 

 

“The Prince returns soon from Delpha. Kastor-exalted shall receive your First Night in three days." 

 

There was a brief second where his stomach dropped but Kallias said nothing. 

 

“Perform well and you shall be rewarded, perform poorly and you shall disappear like Iphegin did.” 

 

He nodded. 

There was nothing else he could do. 

_ 

 

Orange shadows danced into the night and faint wisps of smoke curled around the ankles of the dancers. The glow from the carefully lit fires flared across painted skin as mouths and arms never stopped moving. The music did not miss a single beat. 

It was bitterly ironic, performing the ballad of Iphegenia tonight when Iphegin was gone, his absence all but forgotten in the festival celebrations. Ballads were Kallias favourite, but there was little comfort, his head felt unsteady, like the uneasy calm before the storm. His eyes sought out his best friend in the crowd and when Erasmus smiled, he felt his lips lift in return. 

As he wove his voice into the story, Kallias saw more than one man lift a hand to brush away a stray tear, but he found himself unsatisfied. Despite the fires, the tiles were cool beneath his feet, somehow anchoring him to the night. Head spinning and unable to stop, he reached the climax of Iphegenia’s story. 

Erasmus’s throat bobbed slightly, threatening to spill tears and Kallias suddenly wanted to abandon his dance and his song and gather him into his arms. He wanted nothing more than to brush away the pained look on Eramus’s face, to smooth his fingers over his cheeks and kiss- 

Kallias nearly missed a step. 

When he looked up again, blonde curls suddenly disappeared behind the crowd, quickly replaced with a sea of dark haired slaves. 

_ 

 

It was strange; the moon was pale and full, yet under its soft light, Erasmus’s tunic seemed to glow brighter than it did during the day. He seemed further than ever, eyes focused on the twinkling sky, hands pressed against one of the giant columns. He was an ethereal figure against the night; one step and he could almost float away with the wind.

There was a sudden fear that seized Kallias’s heart at that thought, the distant look in Erasmus’s eyes striking a deep worry from within him. His jumbled thoughts sent his heart rate flying, if he were to lose the figure in front of him in any shape or form, his very soul could not bear it. 

He took one step closer. 

 

“I want to be taken across the ocean. I want to see other lands.”

 

Erasmus didn’t need to turn around to know it was Kallias, and he spoke fast, words tumbling out faster than what he could express. 

 

_If they were not born like this, not destined for this fate._

_If I was not I and you were not you, then where would we be?_

 

“I want- to feel what it is to-“ 

 

He struggled to find words and the wind seemed to sense his distress and grew stronger, tangling his curls.

 

“Live in the world.” Kallias finished for him. 

 

There was something different about the way they both held themselves tonight.

Leaning forward on the balustrade, Kallias almost sighed.

 

“What is it?”

 

“Kastor has returned from Delpha early. Tomorrow will be my First Night.”

 

He couldn’t face him; his resolve for tomorrow would crumble easily under those soft brown eyes, so Kallias kept his gaze straight across the water. 

It seemed as if the words would not stop spilling out of Erasmus tonight, he continued to splutter. 

 

“I’ll work hard. I’ll work hard to catch up to you-“

 

Kallias couldn’t listen anymore, not when the words he had hidden away for so long threatened to break down all his walls. Still flushed from the dance and song, he felt reckless as he finally let go of his restraints. 

 

“I wish… I wish you could be my first.”

 

There was no reply from Erasmus but Kallias pushed on.

 

“Would you put your arms around my neck?”

 

He whispered, turning to face his friend, his love.

Ever so slowly, Erasmus nodded and lifted his arms, sliding them across until they settled against Kallias’s shoulders. 

Kallias was on fire, dancing and singing around several bonfires was nothing compared to the heat that now surged up within him, burning against the places where Erasmus’s skin was smooth against his. He was paralysed by the feeling, unable to move or think or speak. As Erasmus leaned closer and pressed his forehead against Kallias, he could only shiver at the touch. 

 

_In the columned halls, we embrace_  
_His cheek rests against mine_

 

_Happiness like this comes once in a thousand years._

 

It felt so good, too good to be real, but there was nothing fake about this, his dreams were so pale and weak in comparison to the pounding of his chest and the clouded heat he felt. They were so closely pressed against each other, at some point he had his hands on Erasmus’s hips but he didn’t remember how, and their breaths mingled. 

Kallias couldn’t tell where he stopped and where Erasmus began. 

It was too much-

 

_Too much talking-_

_Too much staring-_

_Too much contact between bed slaves was forbidden-_

 

Memories of his instructors’ voices surfaced and Kallias was suddenly doused with a cold jolt of terror. 

He ripped himself away with a cry.

 

“We can’t!”

 

He stumbled away, tripping over himself and he fell to the floor, chest heaving with one hand against the floor tiles, trying to regain himself as the sounds of the Fire Festival suddenly grew loud. 

His throat felt dry.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

He didn’t dare look Erasmus in the eye as he ran away. 

_

 

Kastor was rough. 

His instructors were overjoyed to see the Prince using him almost every night, but he couldn’t feel the same pleasure as they did. 

Kallias didn’t try to think too much about it. 

He would writhe and moan, trying to ignore the feeling of callused hands on his thighs, arms and sometimes around his neck, giving his best performance to the Prince, who never seemed to be satisfied. 

He avoided Erasmus because he didn’t know what apology would be best. It would not help, even if he managed to talk to him, it’ll only make the nights harder to endure. 

There was no greater pleasure for a palace slave to be directly serving a Prince but Kastor’s appetite was insatiable. Many times Kallias had found himself being pounded to the edges; there was too much friction and not enough oil, yet the Prince continued, often until Kallias found himself waking up in a daze after passing out. 

This continued for two weeks, until one night Kallias found himself awake before the sun had risen. He didn’t remember falling asleep, only the shove of hips and hands holding him down. He could still the phantom touches across his body, his stomach red and his upper arm aching from where surely a bruise was forming. 

There were harsh whispers from the adjoining room, Kastor and another woman, not surprising but this woman sounded familiar. Unable to deny his curiosity, Kallias rose, wincing at the sharp pain, and wobbled quietly towards the doors that were not fully shut. 

As he leaned one ear against the gap, he realised that the woman was different from the other women that often pleasured Kastor. Blonde hair cascaded down past her shoulders like a warm angel from the ballads, but her eyes were cold and her tongue sharp. She spoke quietly and efficiently, leaking thoughts of treacherous deeds like gas poisoning the chambers, and above it all, Kallias saw that Kastor seemed to revel in everything she said. 

 

“The slaves-“

 

Kastor gave a short laugh.

 

“My brother will have no need for slaves once he has been carted off.”

 

“Then they shall meet the same fate?”

 

Kastor’s lips curled.

 

“For any slave who holds a lion pin…”

 

Kallias couldn’t breathe.

 

“Kill them all.”

_

 

Aden never looked more displeased. 

 

“You haven’t spoken to me for weeks and the first thing you do is ask for a favour?” 

He sneered.

 

“Aden, I-“

 

“You’re new golden boy! What could you possibly want from me? You can get anything from anyone, everyone in the palace has been speaking of you. Kallias this, Kallias that-“

 

“Aden, please, I think I’ll go mad,” he pleaded, “I don’t know anyone else who I can trust.”

 

His words shocked the other slave into silence. 

Aden took in Kallias’s desperate eyes, his tired frame and the way he favoured his left side over his right in an odd way. There was much left unsaid between them and the air seemed heavy. His eyes softened and he sighed, pushing his hair out of his face in usual fashion.

 

“What has happened, Kallias?”

 

“The palace is not ready for what is about to happen-“

 

“I mean what has happened to you, Kallias?”

 

He interrupted, shaking his head. 

 

“What I have gone through is of no importance, right now I need a way to get Erasmus out-“

Aden’s eyes sharpened again suddenly.

 

“Why is it that every time you speak, you think nothing of yourself and only of Erasmus?” 

Kallias struggled to reply.

 

“I-”

 

“Have you been eating properly? Or sleeping well?”

 

“Yes and yes, but Aden-“

 

“Do you even see yourself?”

 

Kallias felt his frustration building at Aden’s words. It mattered not whether his chiton was no longer sitting well against his frame or if his hair was less polished than usual. He was running out of time, if Aden wouldn’t help then he would find someone else who would. 

 

“Nevermind.”

 

As he turned to leave, Aden’s hands shot out and grabbed his arms, rooting him down. 

 

“Kallias- wait!”

 

Aden turned him until he was facing him again. He stared intently, searching Kallias’s face for answers that Kallias knew that he could not give. There was a beat, a pause too stretched on for too long, then Kallias averted his eyes. Reluctantly, Aden released his arms but kept his hands up, suddenly unsure of where to rest his arms. 

 

“Tell me, what has happened?”

 

Kallias didn’t know where to start. 

_

 

It was a pale and lonely moonlight that he found himself waiting under. 

There was only the soft crash of the distant waves against the cliffs, everything else seemed to hold its breath, waiting. He suddenly felt all alone in the world, there was nothing that could reach him in that moment, for he had used up all his wishes and prayers; there was only one thing to do and that was to wait. 

Kallias knew all about waiting. 

The shuffling of silk and sandals shook him out of his thoughts and as he turned, Aden slipped away into the shadows, leaving only Erasmus in the light. 

Panic seized him, he didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want Aden to go. 

 

“Kallias?” Erasmus murmured softly. 

 

“Tell me-,” a broken laugh ripped out of him despite his attempts to even out his voice. How foolish he had been to think that he could stay beside this golden boy forever. 

 

“Tell me we’ll be together.” _Hate me, hate me, hate me._

 

“I don’t understand.” Erasmus’s voice was quiet, still so full of trust. 

 

_Hate me-_

 

The palace was silent. 

 

_Forgive me, my friend._

 

Kallias kissed him. 

 

_(My love)_

 

In one smooth movement, he ripped the golden pin away from the silk. 

 

“You’re tainted now.” 

_**You’re mine.** _

 

The disbelief in Erasmus’s eyes almost made Kallias falter. He raised one shaking hand up, desperate to touch him again, wanting to wipe away the sudden fear and confusion. He felt his apologies gather at the tip of his tongue and just before he opened his mouth-

Aden returned.

Kallias swallowed back everything and buried his words below. 

 

“Kallias!”

“It’s true! Kallias tried to push him away.” Aden’s voice was strong and sure and Kallias silently thanked him. 

 

Tarchon grabbed Erasmus and shook him, anger and disappointment gathering in each word, “How could you do this?” 

 

Something inside him broke at the sight of Erasmus’s desperate eyes. He willed his voice to stay even. 

 

_Please understand._

 

“You said you wanted to cross the ocean.”

 

-

"Why have we been brought here?"

"You don't know? We're being sent across the water."

 

Erasmus felt numb. 

 

"To Isthima?" 

"No, along the cost, to Vere."

 

He sat down quietly and gathered his arms around his legs. 

 

He was going to cross the ocean. 

Somehow, it didn't feel as exciting as he had imagined. He was still so lost; if only Kallias was here, maybe Kallias could explain why this was happening. 

 

\- 

 

Then the bells and the screams started.

**Author's Note:**

> :')


End file.
